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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Aur Mein kuch na kar saka …

Aur Mein kuch na kar saka …
11th June 2013

On the bike I was going to aayush’s house for a night stay.
Juggling through the thoughts of the trips we three were going to have, ankit was favoring going to the north, to Delhi and then connecting to Nainital... 1 day we could easily stay in Delhi roam around the capital of our nation and the next day morning we could swiftly reach Nainital.. but I wanted to travel in south .. That was the biggest dilemma. We were having vacations. This was utmost topic we could discuss on and make some decisions. Thoughts continued... But there I reached my friend’s home...

At around 3 am... When we just shut down the laptop after watching two Hollywood products.
I was starving... I opened the refrigerator... Gulped some of the freezing coke. Aayush came with eyes full of hope stating there are still some snacks are left...  After tossing up some containers he found something to half fill the dig of our stomach.
We started again on the lappi playing subway surfers,
Its 4:30 am
And we were at keshavpura circle to have breakfast... I know its too early for the breakfast .. But.. we were still starving …  So after that around 5:30 … sun was slowly rising up.. and we had a lavish breakfast .. and a lavish morning ride.. I dropped him home and rushed to my place ... entering in my room I just fall on the bed like a tree with no roots…
Around 10 am I woke up ... Dad was rebuking me in the breakfast .. which I already had.. for not sending some important mails to some fucking illiterate people, to I have send the same mail thrice still they are not getting it and dad thinks its me “the dumb here” .. And I just ignored all the thing.. And I didn’t ate anything that day..
The whole day I was rebuked by dad for one or more reasons … the reasons which have no right to be reasons… I called charu , my sister living in Delhi… working in MODI groups as a business development manager… informing that im coming to Delhi tomorrow.. I can’t stay here any longer… and then it was confirmed that next morning train to Delhi ... has a ticket owner named Suraj saxena.
Around 5pm
My phone rang with android porn ringtone, I saw it was aayush.. delivering the message that Nikhil himanshu and ankit are going Saint Paul’s  shall we accompany them ? I was really not in mood of it .. but still for the sake of basket ball I agreed .. in about 10 minutes Aayush was at the door we drove towards saint Paul’s, but we both didn’t know that what disaster was we were about to experience.
jab bhi saint pauls jaata tha toh hamesha apni galtiyan yaad aati thi .. yaadein yaad aati thi .. waise ab kaafi badal gya tha school bhi .. aur mein bhi .. wahan dekha toh ankit was dribbling the ball .. aur teeno besabri se hamara he wait kr rhe the ..  ankit aur mein basket ball khel rhe the aur baaki ki ladke cricket.
hamari beech baatein honi shuru hui .. bin baat pe hasna .. nautankiyaan krna... tabhi baaki ke ladke bhi basket ball khelne aagye.. we started playing .. teams were divided.. i was playing basket ball after 2 years .. last time also I had had played in Paul’s only .. sweating all over ...  panting .. still i continued.. suddenly ankit walk off the court.. we thought its natural .. thak gya hoga.. we were on the court standing .. making nonsense talk about each other’s game.
I noticed ankit was lying on the ground.. people were standing there only .. I started walking towards ankit .. i saw he was unable to breath .. i waved my hand signaling other boys to come here fast.
ankit fainted .. we pumped his heart .. paani daala muh pe ..bt nothing was helpfull.. nikhil rushed to the doctor  near by .. as he was the knowledgeable person over there about the area.. i took off my T-shirt and started blowing air through it for him if he was having lack of air ..aayush called ankit’s dad .. made him clear about the situation.. and told him to rush. uncle aur doctor saath saath m  aaye  doctor ne bhi pump krke dekha.. aur sudha hospital ke liye suggest krdiya.. uncle and i carried ankit and put him at the back seat with his head in my lap… uncle drove to sudha … meanwhile all the boys out there followed us back … mujhe bilkul bhi dar nahi lag raha tha … kyunki mene kabhi ankit ke bare mein koi serious disease jaisa kuch nahi suna tha aur woh hamesha se bahut he badia athlete rha h.. I thought … ki bhuke pet chakkar aa gye honge .. aisa lag raha tha ki abhi uth jaayega .. yaa phir hospital mein toh kaise bhi use hosh aa he jaaaega .. I was very free from mind.. car speed slowed down as the sudha hospital was visible .. car stopped at the entrance .. I yelled with my full energy of vocal chords “EMERGENCY HERE”...  Two compounders rushed towards me with a stretcher.. I carried ankit and made him comfortable on it... well my legs were shivering with the mazimum speed as I haven’t had anything in my stomac that whole day  With the compounders I paced up my movements and followed the stretcher.. Uncle following me... As the emergency ward was coming near my heart got a bit nervous.. but somehow I hold my heart and reached to the stable point … Ankit was inside with doctors and his dad… I turned around and saw aayush along with other boys moving towards me with long steps… Soon ankit’s uncle came with difficult expressions on his face.. aur dekha unke saath ankit ki mummy bhi aa gyi h .. this was really hard moment for me to control his mom .. she was crying quietly.. aur mujhe samjh nahi aa rha tha unhe kaise chup karaun .. kaise sambhalun.. somehow I managed to hold her tears through my skills of communication … ankit’s uncle and dad were inside the ward… somewhat around 30 minutes after ankit’s uncle rushed outside the ward … with pale face.. Crying.. Now my limbs started trembling.. I pushed the door and rushed inside and asked doctor about the condition... shayad meri zindagi mein mene kabhi kisi jawaab ka itni besabri se intezaar nahi kia  hoga.. those nano seconds were killing me inside.. meri aankhein bahr aa gyi thi .. muh khula tha .. I was sweating over my body… aur mujhe sirf uss doctor ka jawaab sunna tha .. mujhe aur kuch sunai nahi de raha tha … and the doctor said nothing but a mixed expression on the face and head nodding from west to east and vice versa.. and I was never expecting this to happen ever .. slowly with numb hands I slide the curtain a bit and I saw ankit lying on the bed covered whole with a white sheet..

I’m sorry readers but I can’t describe my exact situation at that particular moment … you can understand losing a childhood friend in front of your eyes… kaisa lagta hoga … and you can’t do anything for him  .. ”

Meri uss ward se bahar jaane ki himmat nahi ho rhi thi ... I stumbled and sat on the ground ... crying ... cursing every stupid reason for this disaster that came in my mind… tabhi mene dekha aayush aur aaditya coming towards me.. I stood up .. aur unke saath bahar gaya.. tab tak ankit ke uncle ne sabko bta dia tha .. now it was much more difficult to control the situation. But somehow .. I think it was ankit who was giving me strength to do all necessary jobs… ankit ke papa bahr aaye he handled me the car keys and told me to drop her mom and uncle to house .. I was driving with two people crying a lot .. I didn’t knew what to do..? drive the car efficiently ... or console them .. Well that was useless to console them.. bass mere dimaag mein ek he chizz ghum rahi thi ki … ghar pe amma aur baba ko kaise sambhalenge... those two eldest members of his house … Ghar pahuch ke dekha .. wahaan sab ko sab pata chal chuka tha.. sab taraf udas chehre.. bheegi aankhen.. aur cheekhein…. Mein kisi se kya bolta .. kisi ko kya samjhaata .. mein sabse alag jaake kone mein beth gaya.. Jo sab ho raha tha .. meri aankhein jin sab chizon ke hone ka sabut banti jaa rahi thi .. un chizon ko maan lene ko man abhi tak raazi nahi tha .. par yeh ek sapna nahi tha .. yeh ek sachhai thi jisse mujhe sab ke saath apnana tha .. sab log ek hospital van ke sath ankit ke parthiv shareer ko leke ghar pahuche.. mein bahar aa gya .. aur baaki ladko ke sath khada ho gaya … aditya ko uncle ne bulaya … kuch kaha .. aditya mere paas aaya aur kaha .. uncle keh rahe hain ki ankit ke baaki doston ko bhi phone karke bta dein ..
 And that was the most difficult task ... Calling our friends and saying ankit is no more .. People laughed and appreciated our bad sense of humor... and that was the thing which was really freaking us out .. We were not in mood of talking already ... and people were acting like we are clowns …
I took out my cell phone and called shardiya.. and gave my phone to aditya .. I was lacking confidence to blow someone with this news that too on phone.
Aditya came back to me handling the phone.. saying “Le tu baat kar isse”
She was still in shock.. she rebuked me saying that guys stop playing suck pranks .. and I was like.. Mein ab isse kaise samjhaun.. ? still I said what was the truth .. and I hung up the call.

Thousands of thoughts mugging in my mind .. itna sab kuch hone ke baad bhi dil maan ne ko taiyyar nahi tha .. that I lost my mate.. my buddy .. then a small tear rolled down my eyes.. telling me that im proof of whatever happened with you ..its not a nightmare..
One after the other messages were dropping on my cell phone screen ... of shardiya.. Filled with many questions in her mind... she was badly expecting a least reply from my side ... But seriously I was not in mood of it. Still I replied her ... to calm her down…

A nincompoop standing beside me .. I never saw him before.. started an obvious conversation .. he asked “yeh sab kaise hua?” .. I replied the whole thing … it was normal till then coz in that duration of an hour I’ve answered this question to many people… he asked another question … “kitni baje hua?”
I replied.. around 6pm.. his next question “hospital kitni der Mein leke gaye?” 15-20 minutes …
Still he didn’t got away with it.. his next question “doctors ne kaha 45 minutes Mein leke aaye aap.. isliye late hone ki wajah se aisa hua?” and the bastard was smiling.. Now this was the time I lost my all controls .. I yelled upon him.. “itna time toh lagega na sir usse bike pe kaise leke aate .. Uncle ka wait nahi karte kya .. we even called a doctor there too.. aur sudha ke doctors konsa ghadi leke bethe the.. ?”
And the fucker says then “bhaiyya Mein toh bas aise he puch raha tha?”

Ankit’s elder brother came to me … saying Suraj it’s getting late ... you and your friends should go home now… come tomorrow at eight … After about 10 minutes ... I and aayush were on the way home… this was the first time ride… where there was a complete silence between us two… he dropped me home… it was a very hard time for me to reveal the news to my mom dad at home…

I entered inside with hard steps … and revealed all the thing .. with a burst inside me … mom started crying .. dad rubbing my back .. it continued for about 10minutes.. then mom said .. Suraj eat something .. you haven’t had anything since morning.. I recollected my energy to eat something.. I was not able to deny anything .. I had dinner.. and slept …

8:00 am 12th june 2013
Ankit’s place

Mein papa ke saath pahucha .. sab log the wahin par .. Mein ankit ki body ko arthi pe saje hue dekha ..  with lots of cotton covering his body.. with a red cloth and many garlands ..
Kabhi kisi ne nahi socha tha ki hamein kuch aisa dekhne ko milega.. Meine 11th class Mein ek chiz padi thi ki “life is full of uncertainities” aaj samajh bhi gaye the isske maayene.. uncle ne mujhe gaadi dedi wahan se logon ke leke jaane k liye … soon we reached crematorium …
Aur kuch he der Mein sab taiyyar ho chukka tha ... ankit ko utha ke jaise he lakdiyon pe rakhne lage … it was an unimaginable site ... I was standing there ... becoming the victim of it..
Embers were set ready… aur meri aankhon ke aage bass ankit ka chehra aa rha tha baar baar… ankit ki baatein dimaag Mein ghum rahi thi.. uske saath bitaye pal.. uske di hui kasamein.. usse judi hui har ek chiz.. pichle 15 ghanton Mein bita ek ek pal… mere saamne woh aag ki lapte ode hue leta tha.. aur ham uske raakh ho jaane ka intezaar kar rahe the…
Ab Mein aur aayush do he reh gaye .. soch kar ajeeb lagta h .. par sab ek sachhai hai..
Jise koi nahi badal sakta.. ek maa ne apna beta.. ek baap ne apna right hand… meine apna ek bahut pyaara dost… aur iss dunia ne ek aur achha insaan kho dia tha .. aaj sochta hun toh aisa lagta hai kya ham ek deadbody ko hospital leke jaa rahe the… kya woh tab tak zinda tha .. har insaan ko ek dusra mauka milta hai … usse toh woh bhi na mil saka .. woh mere saamne khatm ho gaya ..

Aur Mein kuch na kar saka …


  1. Very sad,you have described your pain so well,i can visualise it all.It is a terrible tragedy.